Maybe I need to get back into religion and faith. I feel like then things will be better. But I feel like I'd just be lying to myself then... Which is better, lying about what you believe in or having superficial happiness? At this point, I have no idea. I feel like I'm just living one big lie. I need to do some major personal reconstruction. I'll write more tomorrow. I have a lot to get off my chest but tonight, I am far to drained. Good night.

<3em[ily]

I feel like everyone I graduated with has a significant other. Everyone is "in love" and way super happy. Well everyone except me that is. I guess I'm just in a funk today. I definitely hate when I feel like this.

On a side note, Where the Wild Things Are came out on DVD today and I want to buy it so bad. (:
Time to get ready for class. Bye!
<3em[ily]

I'm so confused. I feel upset, stressed, tired, worthless, chubby, but most of all just confused. That conversation just threw me way off my center. Since that I haven't been fully focused. But why? Why do I let it bother me so much? I need like a personal week long sick day. Just when things were starting to look positive, things were looking better, then of course everything just does a complete 180 on me. Now I just have to wait for things to get better again. I need something new. Something that won't lie to me about having a girlfriend. Someone who will treat me like a decent, intelligent, pretty human being; not just some piece of meat. But I mean, I am in college. Maybe my expectations are just way to high. We'll see.

<3em[ily]

I so very much long for young love. Everything about it is appealing. Growing up with someone who enjoys your company sounds nice. But instead I'm only presented with lust. And to be completely honest I'm sick of only having someone lust over me. I mean it doesn't happen often so don't think that I believe I'm the hottest girl on the planet because that is far from true. But it would be nice to have love. To have someone want to take me out when I look completely wrecked. Who will accept the fact that I am not perfect.

I guess I'm lucky that I am still young and have plenty of time for some young love. <3

Do people get pleasure from prank calling someone to tell them all their flaws? I mean if you are going to prank call someone at least make it funny. I don't understand why people like to bring other people down. Is it really necessary? Are you really that unhappy with your looks and your life that you have to try and bring someone else down? How mature of you. And from a couple girls. I can bet that you all have at one point in your life said "I am mature for my age". And you know what? This just proves that you aren't So do everyone a favor and just stop because you are the only ones looking stupid.

And I was so enjoying my day. I wish I could just move to England. I feel like that is the only way to be able to start completely over. I know running away doesn't help at all but nothing else is helping either. Uuuuuuugh...

So I stay up with you all night because you needed motivation to do your homework. So what do I do? I suffer through my sleepiness because I know it will help you. I decide to go to sleep at 4:30 so I get a little bit of sleep before class.

Now I am sitting here, out of words and ideas and I ask for your help. You have nothing intellectual to add to my paper because I covered it all. Yet you say that you are smarter than I am. Really? Do you really believe that? THEN I ask if you will stay up with me til I finish because I want company. What do you do? You go straight to bed after leaving me to go play beer pong. IT IS MONDAY NIGHT! What the hell?

Why is it that I can do SO MUCH for people but when I need something or someone, no one can seem to help me out. It gets pretty tiresome after awhile. Gah I'm not happy anymore. Just cynical and in a bad mood all the time. What is wrong with me? I'm losing my mind...

happiness?

Well my good mood lasted for a record time of 2 DAYS. Why is it that I can't seem to just be happy. I have so many things in my life I should be grateful for. This is ridiculous. I need a whole new mind set. Hopefully I can work on that and everything will be better. I wish I could find someone who truly understood how I felt AND cared enough to be there for me. I'm broken and I'll be the first to admit it. Good night.