I could use a long drive right now.

Preferably on the freeway, with no one there and I can go as fast as I would like. With some awesome mixed CDs blaring out my stereo and my windows down, the wind blowing in my hair and on my face. That is the only place where I feel at peace. Other than singing and dancing in my bathroom.

I think at this point, I am done. Done with trying to be considerate, done with guys just everything. I mean why should I bother being considerate to everyone around me when very few people show me consideration? Why should I try to get good grades and make curfew and be a pretty decent daughter just to get yelled at when my best isn't enough? What is the point? And I know I am not completely done with boys but for now I am. I mean does ANYONE know what respect is anymore? I suppose not. Who are you to think that it is okay to sit in the seat RIGHT next to mine in a theater that has a ton of empty seats. Who do you think you are that you can eat your smelly food right next to me and sit so close that I have to squeeze myself in the left side of the seat. I deserve to be comfortable too! And that isn't even the worst part. Who do you think you are that you can touch my thigh. You are like 40 and I'm 18. Sorry I wanted to just enjoy my movie. And the fact that you kept doing it after I pointed it out to you and told you to back off?? Do you really not have anything better to do than harass 18 year old girls who are out with their friends? Get a life. I mean this shouldn't bother me. No harm done right? Wrong. I mean I though people had a little more class than that. But apparently not. UGH. It gives me NO hope in finding anyone nice anymore. I seriously wanted to cry. Maybe I'm being over dramatic and emotional, but I really don't care. I just felt so violated. And I know nothing serious happened physically but I can only imagine what he was thinking. And that only makes me feel hurt and upset. I don't know. This whole things is stupid. 

And then on top of that, Zac decides to drunk call me to insult my Grandma. Really? How immature can a person be. That only hurt me because my Grandma isn't doing so well right now and I can't bear to lose her. Not right now. I need her here and I am trying my hardest to think positively. But it is really hard. And that kind of caught me off guard and threw me over the edge. I'm sorry I don't find you attractive and have better things to do than listen to you tell me how inferior I am because I am a white female. He is so inconsiderate to everyone. And when I tell him how much he really hurt me, he shrugs it off like it doesn't matter. Like my feelings don't matter. I don't understand how people can be so rude and immature. It just infuriates me so much. I'm trying not to let it because my dad tells me that dwelling on something negative isn't going to change the outcome. But what happens when the negative action that is being dwelled on happens over and over and over again. 

And in 17 Again they Zac Effron said, "Things always seem worse when you are a teenager. Everything seems like it is the end of the world." And that is so true. But I don't care. This is how it is affecting me and I will have to deal with that. 

OH ! then on top of all of that I don't even want to go to prom anymore. I had the perfect date in mind but everyone keeps bringing it up and I doubt it will happen anymore. :/ But whatever if he would rather do something else then fine. But I just feel so discouraged. I have always wanted to get asked, by someone who actually likes me. To bad at Charter Oak no one would never do anything of the sort. It is just sad because Prom is something I have been looking forward to for so long. My SENIOR prom and I don't even feel like going anymore. And I want to be on court so I can be a princess and I am just hoping for the best. Being on court would make up for ALL the crap that has been happening lately. 

But other than the above, today was good. But ONLY because of the perfect weather, and goin to the park with Emily, Snell, and Jessica. Today went by wayy to fast. 

Well I am so tired I can barley keep my eyes open. So I'll write more later. 

I'm sorry this is so lengthy and pointless<3

xoxo

em[ily]