As we all just sit and stare.

"I'm running away so that you'll chase me, even though I know you won't"

That could not describe how I feel right now more perfectly. I want to apologize in advance for the negativity but things were not to hot today. It all started in math when people had to be STUPID. Just complete and absolute morons. I mean how old are we? 8 years old? Apparently. I'm sick of people talking about me. I mean I know it will never stop and I have accepted that. I now have decided that if people are going to talk I might as well give them something to talk about :] I really don't care anymore. I will please and try to help those that I love but there is no use in making everyone try and like me because they are not going to. So it is all wasted effort. It is becoming more and more hard to be the happy outgoing person that I think I am. But I'll still try. 

Back on to the secret. That describes everything perfect. I feel like I keep running for miles and days in hope that someone will chase after me. BEGGING that someone might think that I am worth the risk but every time I turn around, there is no one there. And I'm not searching for a relationship because then you might look over something fantastic. But I will admit, it would be nice to be chased for once instead of me chasing. I know I'll have to wait but it would be grand to have someone want to be with you. Someone who wants to hold your hand whenever and wherever. Maybe it is all just wishful thinking anymore. 

Honestly, I want a baby. Not because I want to get married or have sex or anything like that but because then I will have a human being who will love me unconditionally and whom I can love just as much back. It seems like that would be the only loyal human who could love an immature, dorky person like myself.

I hate that I am not her. And even more, I hate that I won't change. I mean if I did, you might want me :] and we would be happy. But I just can't do that. I also can't be like those girls. I don't know how or anything. But whatever. My day will come someday hopefully. And hopefully sooner than later.

I think I know who I want to go to prom with! But I have no idea if he will go with me. We will see. I'm so excited.  Well that is enough meaningless complaining for now. I promise to write happier things later. But as for now I have nothing interesting to say. 

xoxoxo

em[ily]<3