As you breathe in and I breathe out<3

Today was such a great day! Won the football game in Civics and tomorrow if we win, Sarah and I don't have to take the final :] I got out at 10:40 today.  Football with the thespians<3 Oh so much fun. And I didn't do to bad. Then I had a nice talk with Mr. Dylan Heflin. He always makes me feel good. The the choir show. I wasn't really looking forward to it but it was actually a lot of fun. Eli and I hung out and I think he saved me from being completely bored out of my mind. :]

And ACE sounded good too! Haha. But there was a little sesh that made opening night much better. And it was actually really cute :] besides all the people staring. Regardless it was nice.<3

Now I sleep. Good night loves.

Sincerly,

Em[ily]

"A sunflower for Emily, a smile for me"

Today was a good, no, GREAT day :]

I read the above quote today and it only put me in a fantastic mood. Ohman.

Also! I love Eli. He is my new favorite person in choir. Such a cool person.

PROM! I can not wait <3

Okbyee.

fear.

I am so afraid. Especially of what is about to come. I have so many things I want to do but I feel stuck. I feel like none of it will happen. I mean, if I wasn't successful in high school with theater how will I EVER be successful outside of high school? And then there is my back up plan. How in the world am I supposed to get a career? Jobs are so hard to find so what makes it different for me? Am I wasting my time? I don't know anymore. The clearest of dreams and ambitions seem so foggy and distant. With everything going on at home, I am losing hope, and way to fast. I hate seeing my mom like this. It makes me want to cry when I hear her talking about it all. And I hate more than anything that I can't help her. 

And of course, my best friend is mad at me and has every right to be. I forget way to much everything that I have to do and just when I thought things couldn't get worse, she stops speaking to me. I was at a bbq this weekend and working on an anatomy project. When she got there and wouldn't even look at me, it took everything out of me not to just start crying. I felt broken, the one thing in my life that seemed so sure and always there...wasn't. Apparently I am a horrid friend and I feel like I'm going to be alone. It seems as though there is no hope anymore. And if there is one thing I don't like it's being alone. I like the comfort of having someone there. Wow, tonight is just an awful night. Hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow.

Sincerly,

em[ily]

at least one of us is happy right?

I hate that I judge all guys because of him.












I really do think it is ruining my life.

As sad as it sounds

I only want the worst for you. The way you make me feel is just so unfair. They way you treat me is so disrespectful and rude and embarrassing. And as hard as it is for me to admit it, I just want you back in my life. But I could never bring myself to do something so low. So good luck with your life, good luck with your future. I hope you lie your way to the top and are very happy up there. I wish you the best of luck and I hope you will realize one day that you slowly killed me with every word that came out of your mouth. 

You have successfully made me cry so much that I am out of tears for the night. Congratulations. I hope you feel like a real man. I'm so sick of life taking a shit on me. What did I do? Ugh. And this whole Prom court is really taking a toll on me. People look at me even more like I don't belong at high school than before. I'm sick of all the staring, I'm sick of all the whispers. I never did anything to you. I kept to myself and will continue to do so. I don't feel like EVER coming out my shell ever again. 

And you? That hurt too. Every word you typed hurt me. And I know it wasn't attacking me directly but I know it was an attack in my general direction. You could not be more wrong by the way. So just shut up because you just sound stupid when noise comes out of your mouth. They aren't words, just useless noise. So why does it affect me so much? I have no idea. But you are all breaking me and when there is nothing left, it will be your fault and I do blame all of you. So I hope you are happy.

Oh! And I need to lose weight. I'm getting so fat. When I look in the mirror, I see this ugly, fat, retard who will never every be able to amount to anything. Gosh, I hate high school so much. I wish I was pretty, I wish I was cool, I with I was one of them. They seem to have their shit together. 

Now that I have successfully spilled my feelings I'm going to go. Maybe if I cry myself to sleep tonight I'll feel better in the morning. Good night.

I'm a bad friend

Because I won't take YOU to MY senior prom? I don't know what goes through your head sometimes. Why do you have to reel me in just to shut me out like you do? I know I hurt you but you hurt me too so if you want to play games, I'm done. Thanks :]

So stop talking about me behind my back to my friends. I'd appreciate that.

On a good note, I worked out today and it was wonderful. Hot body here I come! OH. and I'm going to start laying out so hopefully I'll get some sort of tan. Wish me luck.

IB testing is over thank the Lord haha. Which means school is almost out. Yay! I auditioned to sing the National Anthem today for graduation. I did horrid :[ But if anyone gets to sing it I hope it is Francesca. She has an amazing voice. But we will see. The list goes up soon!

I also got my prom shoes today so all that is left is my nails and other miscellaneous last minute things.

Well I'll leave you with this. Shower time after Gossip Girl<3

Good night :]

em[ily]

I like this picture because even though I look like a complete retard :] My hair looks really good. Hahaha.

SO! Yesterday I totally found the p e r f e c t prom dress. It is so pretty and I can NOT wait for prom. These next two weeks are going to be the longest weeks of my life. I also found my shoes. 

They look great and I'm going to go buy them tomorrow. :] I didn't think I would ever find a dress let alone the shoes to match but I did and it is absolutely wonderful. Everything about prom has been so easy so far and that makes me a very happy Emily :]

I just hope the day of is amazing. I'm a little worried about a few things. I hope my date doesn't get jacked...But we will see. Veronica Campagna, Jacqui and I made pretty good mixed CDs on Friday. They are bomb. Then I got to go see Fiddler on the Roof at Chaffey High School. It was a very good show. I got to see a lot of people from Karousel Kids that I miss so dearly. I also saw Scott :] I miss that boy so much. Saturday I spent all day shopping then saw my cousins and Grandparents. And today was mother's day. I had a very relaxing weekend. It was nice.

And now I have the most boring week. Starting with my last IB test. And quite possibly the worst one, the essay for English. YUCK! haha. But hopefully things won't be too awful.

That is pretty much it for now. I have a lot of insightful thoughts to comment on at a later time. I'm just far to lazy to do so right now. :] <3

em[ily]

Such a good day!

Definitely top ten<3>I woke up in such a good mood and I think that set the whole day up for me. :] Classes were kind of boring but in Civics we played football. Sarah and I kicked butt and totally won. We are the only team in our class who is still undefeated. Hopefully we can keep this up.

Then at break it was time to announce Prom court. As you can tell from my millions of other blogs, I wanted to be a princess really bad. So when they were about to announce the first name my heart stopped. But much to my surprise my name was the first one called! I was beyond happy. I didn't like standing up there in front of the whole school because I felt like I was being judged. Girls were giving my dirty looks but I just ignored them. This was my moment. :] The other girls on court all know each other really  well except me though. I feel like the outsider hahaha. But whatever. I could not be B math studies test and it was a complete j o k e. SO easy. I just hope paper 2 is just as easy. Then I got to see some of my favorite people after school and then went to BJ's for dinner with the fam bam<3>

However, all good days have their downfalls. I read something today that I am pretty sure is about me. I don't think so highly of myself usually but I think it is safe to assume this. And what I read hurt me. :[ I had no idea he was so upset. I really wish people would communicate with me more. I mean how do you expect me to just automatically know what your feelings are. If you don't tell me or make them clear, then I remain clueless. And then for you to blame this on me? To put all of that on me? I'm sorry. I didn't know being ignorant meant that I was in the wrong. It just frustrated me a little. I wish you could just come out with it. And the whole thinking boys are just candy? Ouch. I didn't know you thought so low of me. But whatever. I mean this may not even be about me. But like I said, I have a strong feeling it is. Maybe I will bring it up to him one day but for now I need to cool down. 

Well I am going to sleep now because I have a long day tomorrow. :]

Good night moon<3

143!

em[ily]

P.S. -->

^^ I'm a Princess. My GIANT crown says so!<3^^

These chickens jocking my style

They tryin' to copy mah SWAGGA!

Tomorrow at break!

:]

Wish me luck<3

Ahh haha.

Mike'n'Ikes and some loooovin'<3

Combining the pink and orange ones is like heaven in your mouth! :] Soooo good<3 ANYWAYS! I am in such a good mood. I don't know what has come over me. I think because I decided to start looking at all the little positive things instead of the BIG negative things, I have become a much happier person. There is no way I can make everyone I know happy so why bother? If you want my friendship, you will take the time to have on with me instead of me using all my effort on it. 

However, I am pretty sick of people assuming. If I have on pet peeve it is assumptions. If something seems off why don't you find out yourself if it is true. Chances are, whatever you heard from your little clique of friends, is not true. So do us all a favor and figure things out for your self thanks :]

Enough of that now. Today was a great day. I got to wear my grandma's sweater and it was so comfy<3 And all my classes are becoming WAY easier now. Probably because IB testing is almost over. And with testing being over comes Prom and graduation! Huzzah! haha. After school I got to go to Sonic with Greg, Dylan, and Tara and had bomb food. :] I love those fools. Then after missing like every freeway because of Greg we finally made it home haha. Tara and I talked about prom :] and then Greg and I went to the Charter Oak library to watch Intermediate perform their children's stories. The little kids there were so cute! Then back to Greg's where Jessica and Veronica and I took amazing pictures. Today was just fantastic. Then driving everywhere with my music blaring and windows down :] Which is my favorite! OH! that reminds me. I still need to do my 'b' favorite things haha. So much for that trend keeping up. Maybe I'll just do it after I shower. 

Tomorrow is voting. I hope things work out. I'll definitely let you know how things work out. Tomorrow is also WICKED WEDNESDAY! so how can tomorrow not be a good day? haha.It seems nearly impossible<3 

I'm so glad that things are finally looking up. And it is not like anything in particular has happened...If anything I should be so upset after reading something I didn't particularly want to read :[ but after he told me that, I felt like my heart was put back together again. For some reason, when I read that he was not interested for sure and that sunk in, I felt...better. I felt like because I knew where he stood and it was nowhere close to where I was things were okay. Sure it hurts to hear that you aren't particularly good enough or the kind of person he would be interested in but whatever. Like I said, he will make a girl very lucky one day. So good. :]

Well this is kind of extensive and I'm sorry. When I get in good moods I tend to ramble. It is one of the many downfalls of mine. So I'll go shower now and do my 'Bs' after. 

xoxo

em[ily]<3

p.s. Dodger game possibly on Saturday! I'm SOoOoOoOoOoOo excited. :D

Here's to you :]

Things are good. Getting better. :]

Which makes me a happy person. WED! ahh. Nervous. Testing is almost over then I am basically done with high school. That's exciting. 

I'm still confused about things lately though. Friend wise anyway. It seems like EVERYONE has a ridiculous amount of drama all at once haha. I wish everyone could just be content, including myself. And I'm getting there. So that is wonderful :]

I met a lot of really cool people on Saturday and I'll write more about that later. SUCH a good day. For now I will leave you with this. I'm exhausted and has a looooong day.

Love you!

xoxo

em[ily]

"She's a pretty girl. She's always falling down.

And I think I just fell in love with her"