Update!

Hmmmm, lets start with the days:

Tuesday!

I went to Pilates and had a fantastic work out. Then I packed up all my stuff and headed to the train to come home for Thanksgiving break. My mom picked me up at the station and we went home. Then after my amazing nap, Bailey got home from Santa Cruz and picked me up and we headed off to Irvine to see Dina. BED was reunited as well as Kim, Asha, and Dean! I knew it was going to be a good night.

Wednesday!

We woke up at 11 and headed to the cafeteria to get some breakfast/lunch. The food there was surprisingly very good. After eating we got our stuff and BED headed home. I got to see mommy and papa Westerhoff. I love them so much. Then I went home and chilled with the parentals. I had an early night haha.

Thursday!

THANKSGIVING! It was fantastic. It was nice to see my family and I think I ate my weight in food. It was marvelous! There were some minor trifles that day but I got through them. We went to my grandparents' house around 9 in the morning and ate breakfast. Then we visited and had out Thanksgiving lunch at 1. It was so delicious. Creamed corn is my favorite along with mashed potatoes! Haha. Then everyone headed home but my brother and I spent the night at the house. We spent time with Grandma and Grandpa until they went to bed. Then my brother and I had sibling time.

Friday!

First my Grandpa and I went to Legends to get breakfast for everyone. I ran into Collin and Evan from KK. That was a nice surprise. Then I spent all day decorating my Grandma's house for Christmas! It was so much work. In the past my grandma and I would always work together to get everything done. But she can't really do that anymore so I do it for her while she keeps me company. My brother put the tree up and did all the lights. Then he left after we ate lunch. We had leftovers and it was just as delicious as the day before. Before he left my grandpa paid us for our hard work. We don't help them to get paid. We do it because we like to spend time with them and help them. But it was a nice little perk (: Then I went home and changed. After I headed over to Sir Joseph York's house and we watched movies with Maddi and Dylan. They were being all flirty and stuff so it made it a little awkward but Joe and I just laughed at them the whole time. We went to Starbucks for COFFEE! And I run into a boy I knew in middle school. But I didn't know if it was him for sure so I didn't say hi. Turns out it was him haha. Then we went to pinkberry and I ran into another boy from my middle school. He recognized me and we chatted for a little while. It was nice. (:

Then we went back and watched another movie and Joe and Dylan killed zombies! I went home.

Saturday!

I got up and cleaned for a little while. Showered and did my hair then it was dinner time for my birthday! We went to Shogun and my dad got a sushi platter for an appetizer then we ate our meal. It was sooooooooo good.

from my parents:

_New high top converse

_Daisey by Marc Jacobs perfume and the bag that it came in.

_Up!

_two pairs of sweats from Victoria's Secret

from my Aunt Jeanette:

_40 dollars! I'm getting a new jacket. (:

from my grandparents:

_a straightener and 20 dollars to itunes

from my cousins Mindy and BJ and K and H

_ 30 dollars to itunes.

from Joseph

_25 dollars to itunes and coffee!

and Jacqui said she would knit me a headband! I'm stoked.

Needless to say I did pretty well (:

Sunday!

Birthday! (: My mom brought me an eggnog latte from starbucks as a wake up present. I got ready and Jessica came to pick me up. She gave me

_Victoria's Secret undies, they are SO cute!

_a yellow sweatshirt from Victoria's Secret

_perfume.

_and then gave me a mickey mouse antenna ball.

SHE TOOK ME TO DISNEYLAND! It was so pretty there because everything was all done up for Christmas. It even snowed on Main Street! I got three birthday buttons and had so much fun spending the day with my best friend

_skittles

_starbursts

_a butterfinger

_A RED BETTA FISH! (:

His name is Birthday Sex and I love him so much. He is so pretty and sits on my desk.

I think it is safe to say that this birthday was a very good one (: Probably the best one so far. I am so thankful to have such amazing people in my life

_em[ily]

Finally.

So this post is not about anything that happened today. My weekend post will be tomorrow. This is something I wrote while sitting in my Business class bored out of my mind. Let's fill you in real quick though. So things at school have been going down the drain this whole month. People like to run their ignorant mouths and spew shit that isn't true.

Lately I have been so out of it. My life has become so full of routine. Everything is so monotonous. I wake up, grab something quick for breakfast and go to my classes. Sure I'm there physically in class, but mentally I am not. My mind is never there. Life has become so boring. I go through my days with motions but never any emotions. I feel as though I am living my life on auto pilot. I wanted so badly to get out of Covina. Give myself a new reputation and not be tied down to what everyone here thinks and says about me. I wanted to get away from all the jerks I knew. I didn't want to leave the people who meant the most to me. I thought that moving away, even if it is only to LA, that I would meet intelligent people. People who like to talk about literature, who know what real literature is, and like t talk about movies and music and fascinating stuff like that. I mean I am in college isn't that what I am supposed to have? I wanted to meet more people like Jacqui, Tyler, and Max. People who know who they are and what they want. People who are not constantly concerned with stupid drama that doesn't even mean anything. Boy was I wrong. I think this situation is worse in college. Because not only do these people love to create drama, but they think they know everything there is to know on this Earth. NEWS FLASH, you attend Cal State LA. If you really knew everything, don't you think you would be at an IVY LEAGUE COLLEGE? People here are so quick to pass judgement and once their minds are set there is no changing them at all. I am trying to take all this negative as a learning experience but when is all this negativity going to stop? It keeps getting worse and hardly gets better. I keep letting myself get used. I let all of this happen and I need to change it. I need to surround myself around intelligent, fun, happy people. It would just be nice to have people who will continue to teach me things rather than constantly put me down. But we will see. Hopefully these rumors of me being a lesbian, sleeping with the entire firefighter team at CSULA, and getting freaky with the threesomes will die down. Things can only get better from here. I just need to focus on the quarter coming to an end and finish my final projects. Hopefully I'll do good.

Well I'm going to watch the episode of Glee that I missed. I'll update more tomorrow! Good night loves

<3em[ily]

Seen enough of my friends in the depths of the godsick blues

It is so hard to pretend not to care. When it happened the first time it was whatever. I figured it was a one time thing and something like that wouldn't happen to me again. But then it did and I shrugged it off thinking maybe I just wasn't having very good luck. But it just keeps happening. My question is why do I always get involved with jerks? I think I just attract them like old men to two cent whores. I think I have the words "use me and then break me" written on my forehead. I mean why else would this keep happening? And then people always have to run their freaking mouths. I thought leaving high school meant I could get rid of any bad reputation I had and be able to start new. Be able to get by with out being called a nerd or a slut or whatever else they used to say. But I guess I just look like a slut. People who don't even know my name are talking about me like they know my life story. NEWS FLASH, you don't have the slightest idea. Just because I was over at a friends dorm does not mean that we are having sex. Just because I have been spending a little more time with a guy does not mean that we are dating. The guys that I hang out with are only interested in one thing and that is definitely not me. So why am I the slut when she just gets around. Wow. Some people amaze me. Honestly, this is why I haven't been looking for someone. This is why I kept to myself in this department. THIS EXACT REASON. I am so sick of being hurt and they always say the exact same thing. "I'm different. I really care about you. You are not like all the other girls". Really? Because I'm pretty sure I heard those exact words come out of your mouth to other girls. While I was sitting right next to you. How stupid do you think I am? I feel like it just all doesn't really matter anymore. All of this has really made me think about everything in my life right now. I don't like who I am becoming. I don't even know who I am becoming to be honest but I can tell you that I don't like it. I need to take a big long break from everything and sort my own shit out. But for some reason I can't do that. My friends always have something going on and I need to put them first. In reality I should probably put myself first. I mean how in the world am I supposed to help someone else when I can't even help myself. But I just can't do that. I don't have the ability to fix anything without breaking down. I am such a fool and I am just so discouraged with everything. Boys, friends, school. I just feel so empty and alone even though I'm not.

Sorry this is so lengthy. I just needed to get it all out before I break down. I feel like such a brooding teenager but who else am I supposed to talk to? No one really wants to listen to my bullshit. So again, I apologize.

Good night for now. Hopefully I'll be able to get some sleep tonight. <3