“To the world you may be just one person, but to one person you may be the world.”

Truer words were never spoken. Brandi Snyder was a smart woman. Yet if that is so true then why do I feel so useless; Like I am not even just one person. I help so much. I don't help because I have to I do it because I want to. I obtain pure pleasure and joy from being able to help another person. It makes me feel good to bring someone else's spirits up. And this weekend I helped one of my roommates. I listened to her when she was crying in her room. I consoled her and told her we would handle everything that needed to be done. I took care of her and her friends when she decided to get drunk. I cleaned the dorm so it wouldn't smell and so we wouldn't have to do it the next day. I didn't do any of this because I felt obligated but I was able to do so. And I did. How do I get repaid? I would at the very least have expected a "Thank you so much for helping me out last night and being there." If not that at least a little appreciation. Instead I get "Fuck you Emily. I don't need you in my life. You aren't my mother so stop trying to help me". REALLY?!? Um then why the hell are you crying to me? If you didn't need me then stop coming to me. I don't know why you have to treat me like shit when all I do is give to you. I share almost everything I have and you say you don't need ME? Well that is fine because I definitely do not need you in my life.

This is why I hate girls. They are so self absorbed and think they can do ANYTHING they want. I suppose it is cool to treat the people who care about you and who sympathize for you like complete shit. Well let's see how that works out for you. Good luck. Honestly, I can say right now that you have pushed me as far as I can go. I want to say that I hate you but hate is a strong word. This is ridiculous because you have never treated me in a way to where I would want to be a friend to you anyway. But I am too caring and it looks like you are just another person who decided to take advantage of my character. Well I'm done now and you have just given me a reason to never speak to you again. At least until you want to settle this. But the worst part of it all? You don't think you did anything wrong. Your actions are justified in your mind. Hurting me and making me cry is okay in your book. Awesome. At least I know where you stand.

I was fine without having any friends at school so far and CSULA I am sure I can cope being on my own. Besides I do have friends so I definitely don't need someone as negative as you in my life so good bye. I'm out. I need positives bringing me up not your negativity bringing me down. Oh and you're welcome for burning you those CDs and giving you coffee and letting you borrow my clothes without you asking. Oh and thanks for always using my shit and breaking my printer. You are a real friend.

Sorry this was so negative but that is how I have been feeling lately. I just want to be happy again and I haven't been. Hopefully I'll be out of here soon. I'm going to bed now.

em[ily]