The way you love me (:

Hahahaha. Oh how I love this boy. I'm so glad he is still here.

Today was fairly good. Applied for a million jobs. Trying to stay optimistic.

All I can do for now is to dance and love.

I'm trying not to think about the bad.

Just trying to enjoy being young and stupid<3

Sincerly,

em[ily]<3

Make the most of today.

I hate being at home anymore.

I also wish I wasn't such an emotional mess.

I feel like crawling up into a hole and never coming out.

Today was one of the hardest days I will have to encounter.

):

I can take it. It will work out.

Can I be honest? It is getting harder and harder to trust people lately. I mean there was a thought in my mind that he only took me out because he wanted to tell all his friends how easy it was to get me to kiss him. But I thought maybe I was just over thinking things. I mean he isn't that kind of guy right? Then why did he go out searching for one of my best friends and kiss her? I guess I wasn't worth it. I wasn't worth anything to him. And the sad thing? I have always kind of liked him. I thought we had a good time. Well I did anyway. But whatever. If it is meant to be, it will happen. He is pretty amazing though. It all just keeps getting harder. It finally hit me today that I graduated. Nothing is going to be certain anymore. Nothing is safe. High school was so safe. Now I have the real world to get into. And quite frankly, I'm scared. No terrified. So many of my friends are leaving and I feel so lost. Everything is happening so fast. I constantly feel like I have to cry. I am an emotional mess. My grandma gave me a poem about me today and I started crying and I couldn't stop. ughh. 

On a lighter note things were going really well. I know it has been a while since I really updated. Where did I leave off. Well Prom was absolutely fantastic! I was the prom queen :D yay! and the people I was with made the evening so amazing. Gahh I had a wonderful time. I also made the cover of the school paper because of it and they picked an awful picture haha. But I don't care. What else? Bay and Dina did a great job during powder puff haha. I wish I could have played. Also! The thespain award show happened in between the dry spell of me not updating. That was such a great night. I got to go to BJ's with my greatest friend. I also won Best Supporting Actress, Best Senior, Best Actress, and Best Thespian. Overall I think my hard work payed off. Then after the show we played tag at Royal Oak. Jacqui, Tyler, Jessica, Greg, Chris, Michelle and myself. Tyler is so fast. It is ridiculous. Lately I have been having the time of my life (: Besides the whole boy set back. But summer is here and I am going to enjoy every second of it. Hopefully I can find a job haha. Wish me luck. I'm going to go watch a movie<3>

Sincerly, 

Em[ily]

Gah!

There is so much to update on. But not enough time right now. Let me just start of by saying that I am typing this on my brand new MacBook! Yay!! haha. I love love love it so much (: I promise to fully update later today but for now I am going to breakfast soon and I'm so upset that Maddi is leaving for Texas on Sunday. I feel like crying every time I think about it. That's all for now. Yesterday was a great day<3>

Love you!

Sincerly,

Em[ily]

As you breathe in and I breathe out<3

Today was such a great day! Won the football game in Civics and tomorrow if we win, Sarah and I don't have to take the final :] I got out at 10:40 today.  Football with the thespians<3 Oh so much fun. And I didn't do to bad. Then I had a nice talk with Mr. Dylan Heflin. He always makes me feel good. The the choir show. I wasn't really looking forward to it but it was actually a lot of fun. Eli and I hung out and I think he saved me from being completely bored out of my mind. :]

And ACE sounded good too! Haha. But there was a little sesh that made opening night much better. And it was actually really cute :] besides all the people staring. Regardless it was nice.<3

Now I sleep. Good night loves.

Sincerly,

Em[ily]

"A sunflower for Emily, a smile for me"

Today was a good, no, GREAT day :]

I read the above quote today and it only put me in a fantastic mood. Ohman.

Also! I love Eli. He is my new favorite person in choir. Such a cool person.

PROM! I can not wait <3

Okbyee.

fear.

I am so afraid. Especially of what is about to come. I have so many things I want to do but I feel stuck. I feel like none of it will happen. I mean, if I wasn't successful in high school with theater how will I EVER be successful outside of high school? And then there is my back up plan. How in the world am I supposed to get a career? Jobs are so hard to find so what makes it different for me? Am I wasting my time? I don't know anymore. The clearest of dreams and ambitions seem so foggy and distant. With everything going on at home, I am losing hope, and way to fast. I hate seeing my mom like this. It makes me want to cry when I hear her talking about it all. And I hate more than anything that I can't help her. 

And of course, my best friend is mad at me and has every right to be. I forget way to much everything that I have to do and just when I thought things couldn't get worse, she stops speaking to me. I was at a bbq this weekend and working on an anatomy project. When she got there and wouldn't even look at me, it took everything out of me not to just start crying. I felt broken, the one thing in my life that seemed so sure and always there...wasn't. Apparently I am a horrid friend and I feel like I'm going to be alone. It seems as though there is no hope anymore. And if there is one thing I don't like it's being alone. I like the comfort of having someone there. Wow, tonight is just an awful night. Hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow.

Sincerly,

em[ily]